Abuse in the Church: Gospel Help for Victims

Abuse in the Church: Gospel Help for Victims

According to the U.S. Department of Justice

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.

Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair-pulling, biting, etc. Physical abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.

Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes but is certainly not limited to marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic Abuse: Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large.

Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org.

http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm

We shouldn't be able to think about marriage without the gospel in mind. The gospel is what marriage is to represent in the world. Christ’s mission statement was to rescue His people (His Bride) from their sin. He lived for her. He suffered for her. He died and was buried for her. He was raised, lives for her, and intercedes for her now. His whole incarnate ministry was and is for Her. How can a woman not love and obey a Husband like that? And what a mission for a husband. No man can live up to the task, but when he becomes bent on harming his wife, rather than nurturing and cherishing her, the image that marriage is to reflect is marred.

Ephesians 5:25-29Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.

The role of a wife is to be a submissive help-meet (Ephesians 5:22; Genesis 2:18), not a punching bag or a door mat.
 
The role of a husband is to nurture and protect his wife and love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25-29), not to use and abuse her.

"Where the husband is meant to be a source of strength and safety, he has become weak and a source of fear and violence. If so, the church must step up and step in. Wives and children of abusers must be able to see in the church a refuge, a place of safety and help. Abused church members are the most vulnerable of all of Christ’s lambs and to them we owe a duty of special care and protection." ~R Scott Clark; Heidelblog (Source below.)

"What is Abuse? The definition of abuse: A pattern of coercive control (ongoing actions or inactions) that proceeds from a mentality of entitlement to power, whereby, through intimidation, manipulation and isolation, the abuser keeps his* target subordinated and under his control. This pattern can be emotional, verbal, psychological, spiritual, sexual, financial, social and physical. Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it. ~Jeff Crippen; A Cry For Justice (Source below.)

The definition of domestic abuser: a family member or dating partner (current or ex) who has a profound mentality of entitlement to the possession of power and control over the one s/he* chooses to mistreat. This mentality of entitlement defines the very essence of the abuser. The abuser believes he is justified in using evil tactics to obtain and maintain that power and control. ~Jeff Crippen; A Cry For Justice (Source below.)

When a spouse becomes abusive, spiritually, mentally, physically or sexually, the church and/or civil authorities may be utilized to protect and preserve the life and well being of the victims.

If you or someone you know is being abused in any of the ways noted above, please get help. Never assume that a person alleging abuse is lying or manipulating. Act first and investigate later. The worst that can happen if you are being manipulated is that you lose trust. The worst that can happen if you ignore a victim is loss of health or life. Please assist with tangible help when it is needed, providing a safe and healthy environment for the victims.

Resources on Abuses in the Church:

1. Abuse and the Church | Theology Gals | Episode 20: Jeff Crippen, Coleen Sharp, Marissa Namirr ("Gospel Gal"): Podcast: http://theology-gals.blubrry.net/2017/06/26/abuse-and-the-church-theology-gals-episode-20/

2. Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion: Barbara Roberts: Book
https://www.amazon.com/Not-Under-Bondage-Biblical-Desertion/dp/0980355346

3. PCA General Assembly position on child abuse/ sexual abuse: 
http://pcahistory.org/pca/2014_overture6.pdf

4. On Disciplining Abusers And Protecting The Sheep: R. Scott Clark: Blog: https://heidelblog.net/2016/08/on-disciplining-abusers-and-protecting-the-sheep/

5. Heidelberg Catechism: 6^th CV : Murder and Violence: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/40.html

6. A Cry for Justice: Jeff Crippen: Blog: https://cryingoutforjustice.com/sermons-and-talks/

7. Unholy Charade: Jeff Crippen: Book: https://www.amazon.com/Unholy-Charade-Unmasking-Domestic-Abuser/dp/0692533222

8. The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church: David Johnson: Book:
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Power-Spiritual-Abuse-Manipulation/dp/0764201379/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488649239&sr=8-1&keywords=the+subtle+power+of+spiritual+abuse

9.Women, Stop Submitting to Men: Blog: CP: Russell D. Moore

http://www.christianpost.com/news/women-stop-submitting-to-men-64121/#zRcMoH6sZ3lJFbjM.99

10. Abusive Speech & Gospel Hope: Gospel Gal Blog: Marissa Namirr http://gospelgalblog.blogspot.com/2017/08/abusive-speech-and-gospel-hope.html