This Time Last Year

This time last year was one of the most trying times in my life. Our youngest daughter, then 19 and a sophomore at University, was battling emotionally, and in crisis. Hospitalized, her blood pressure plummeted, resulting in dizziness, extreme nausea and vomiting, and the doctor on staff had no answers as to what was causing these symptoms. Separated from her, she and we were very concerned and anxious for her release from the hospital. 

Upon her hospital release, recommendations included follow-up with a cardiologist for her blood pressure. By God's grace we were able to immediately locate a physician who was able to diagnose her and begin a course of treatment to elevate her blood pressure, regulate her digestive system, and improve her mood/anxiety.

For three months our daughter was battling. She was literally unable to walk from one room to another or sit upright, and unable to hold down food, due to extremely low blood pressure. Her already thin body, was taxed and weight loss threatened her life. Bedridden, at 19, and forced to withdraw from school late in the semester was painful. She was completely removed from everything normal for a young, energetic, intelligent person.

If you're a parent, you can imagine the agony of this kind of uncertainty. Wondering if your child will make it to see the next month is heart-wrenching, humbling and frightening.

Our daughter was bright, beautiful, joyful and outgoing her whole childhood, but she always expressed a level of anxiety that was concerning. I remember her standing at my bedside in the mornings peeping up over the side of my bed, patiently waiting for me to

wake up, her giant, blue eyes shining. But night terrors and stomach issues plagued her during her childhood. GI visits revealed nothing but anxiety. Problems only escalated as she entered adolescence.

Once professing faith in Christ and encouraging others in their faith, at 17 she began questioning her salvation, and by nineteen she had completely walked away from the church and the foundation we had laid for her in the Word of God. Her understanding of God, Who is capable of saving, and yet does not choose to save all has become a sticking point for her. As much as we labored to explain the theology behind her questions, she was left unsatisfied and unconvinced.

So, in this health crisis, I was filled with anxiety for her life, both physical and spiritual. My beautiful speckled ginger with the brightest blue eyes and the sweetest disposition was in grave danger, and I couldn't help her. All that was left to do was to pray and trust the doctors judgment and treatment. Fear that she would die apart from Christ gripped me. 

Every day and every night, I sat by her bed, fed her, read to her, prayed for and with her. For whatever reason, she was open to hearing me pray. One thing that the Lord was constantly bringing to mind was Heidelberg 1 and I consistently reminded our girl of the same:

"What is your only comfort in life and in death? That I am not my own, but belong— body and soul, in life and in death— to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has delivered me from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven; in fact, all things must work together for my salvation." These truths are the ones that held me together during this crisis last Spring. Thanks be to God that He has not left us and that His Word remains true. When we are faithless, He is faithful. He is the Good Shepherd Who tends His sheep. He is the Great Physician who heals our bodies and soothes our souls. He is the Promise-keeper Who has promised to be a God to us... and not only to us, but to our children. So, as I recall this time last year, I give thanks to God for His healing and care of our child. Last Spring is not something I would ever wish to relive. It was terrifying, but at the same time, as He always does, He reveals Himself as One Who sees, hears, and abides with us. I look for His promise and His faithfulness to our child. Her body is adjusting and healing. Her mind is active and creative. She is succeeding in her academic career. I know the Lord is gracious and pray daily that Meredith will know that salvation in Christ is not only for others, but for her also, seeing Jesus in all of His beauty and grace toward her. Nothing will delight my heart more than to see her trusting and walking with the One Who gave Himself for her.